


Home Comforts

by stonecoldsilly



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Another Book Club Banger, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Lads Lads Lads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:53:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25530133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stonecoldsilly/pseuds/stonecoldsilly
Summary: -How Kaer Morhen got its famed Hot Springs-'Now that he thought about it, Lambert had been quiet for far too long.He could hear water rushing, and as he listened it seemed to go from a trickle to a flood, somewhere down below. He took the stairs down to the cellars four at a time, Lambert’s whoops echoing up the steps.'
Relationships: Eskel & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Lambert, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Lambert
Comments: 27
Kudos: 120





	Home Comforts

Kaer Morhen had always been a stern, proud old castle, form valued over function. There was little elegance or decadence to it, even in its prime, when the halls were filled with clattering footsteps and the yard rang with the clash of silver and steel. Even now, it had its own grandeur, and the four of them did their best to maintain it, along with whoever else showed up that year, but it was an endless labour of love. 

Geralt was running drills in the courtyard when the first stirrings of trouble began. There was an almighty rumble from somewhere beneath his feet, and he snapped his head around to try and spot the beginnings of the avalanche, but the mountains around them remained blessedly still. His medallion remained silent, and he ran into the keep sword in hand just in case.

Now that he thought about it, Lambert had been quiet for far too long.

He could hear water rushing, and as he listened it seemed to go from a trickle to a flood, somewhere down below. He took the stairs down to the cellars four at a time, Lambert’s whoops echoing up the steps.

He stopped when he reached the old alchemy rooms and yelled ‘Lambert you prick!’

The whooping stopped.

‘What have you done you daft bastard?’

Lambert splashed into view, clothes askew and smoke still wisping from what little remained of his hair, mostly burned away save for a hilarious looking tuft on one side. There was water absolutely everywhere, ankle deep and rising. It was hideously sulphurous, a foul stench of hot rotten egg suffusing the bowels of the castle.

‘Geralt!’ He shouted, grinning like a madman. ‘Look!’

Geralt hmmed and put his sword aside, satisfied that there was nothing to fight except Lambert’s idiocy, and he looked like he’d had enough blows to the head already.

He squelched into the water, intending to at least cuff his ear, and yelped instead. ‘Fuck, that’s hot!’

Lambert fell apart laughing, and Geralt flung Aard at him until he was flat on his back and giggling. He splashed happily, kicking up huge waves, and Geralt braved the heat of the water again to dunk him under until he looked like a drowned rat, gasping for air and stifling snorts of laughter.

‘What the hell,’ Geralt said, water now up to his knees. 

‘I was adjusting-‘

‘You were experimenting again, weren’t you?’

‘I was _adjusting_ the Grapeshot. And I’m telling you some of the powder down there is older than Vesemir. Shocking really, keeping expired ingredients where anyone could find them, it’s honestly a surprise this hasn’t happened sooner.’ 

Geralt gave him a little shake, which in hindsight was probably the wrong thing to do with a concussion.

‘Boom!’ He said happily, obviously still cracked from his bump on the head, and Geralt sighed.

Geralt left him to it, wading down to the door and peering through. There was a huge crater where the chemicals cupboard had once been, only a black pool of water bubbling up from some underground spring, showing no signs of stopping or slowing down at all. 

The water was up to his stomach now and had probably reached neck deep in the next room, where there was a little set of steps down and the floor was set lower. He stood there, staring in disbelief, and Lambert swam past lazily, demonstrating a rather impressive breaststroke. 

‘Vesemir’s going to kill you,’ he sang mockingly. 

‘Nope,’ said Lambert, remarkably unconcerned for someone who was about to be tossed off the roof.

‘What do you mean, no? Look at the place, you’ve singlehandedly managed to submerge Kaer Morhen.’ 

‘Two words.’

‘You’re dead?’

‘Ha. Ever been to Novigrad?’ And the bastard floated past smugly.

‘Well… fuck.’ He had a point. Geralt shrugged and paddled over to the stairs. He peeled his wet clothes off, resigned to the madness. A grin started to break out on his face, and he backed up to the landing and slid down the banister, managing to land close enough to Lambert to dunk him again. 

It soon devolved into splashing and wrestling in the water, Geralt chasing Lambert round and pelting him with the sodden remains of the alchemy cupboards. Lambert cried mercy and got out quickly to strip off as well, admiring his new haircut. He paused in trying to feel how much was left, and said, ‘Hang on, where’s Eskel?’

Geralt frowned as well. ‘He was meditating. Somewhere he wouldn’t be disturbed by your noise, he said.’

In a display of his usual excellent timing, Geralt and Lambert turned to the last room of the cellars just as Eskel floated in slowly like a particularly stately barge. He was on his back, eyes closed, meditation clearly undisturbed by Lambert’s spontaneous renovations. 

They splashed over to him and looked down at his peaceful face. 

‘I’d have thought he’d sink rather than float, all that extra padding.’ remarked Geralt.

‘Do you think he’s dreaming he pissed himself?’ said Lambert, and they grinned, and in perfect unison, as only younger siblings can be, bent and yelled ‘Eskel!’ in his ears.

Eskel’s eyes slammed open and he sank like a stone, spluttering. 

‘Wha-?’ He managed, ‘What the hell?’

Geralt and Lambert both grinned at him and said ‘Hot springs.’

Once Eskel had been persuaded to get out of his sodden clothes and join them properly, he was coming round to the idea. He inspected the spring, as Geralt had, and looked around to make sure the walls were holding the water down in the cellars, and that no further leaks seemed to be appearing. 

‘Pretty stable now, I reckon. Still stinks something rotten.’ He said, lining up to follow after Geralt on their hastily sourced diving board, which had previously been a table.

‘Air it out, crack the windows a bit.’ Lambert said, waving a hand idly from the corner where he was soaking, content with his own success.

‘How are we going to drain it?’ Eskel added, after trying to beat Geralt’s somersault and belly-flopping miserably.

Geralt and Lambert turned on him instantly, ready to whelp him until he recanted his betrayal.

‘I meant, it’s still coming, isn’t it? The water’s not stopping. It’ll come out the front door if we don’t keep it level.’

‘Easy.’ Said Lambert, and before either of them could reach him he’d twisted his hand into Aard and blown a hole in the side of the keep.

They had to dunk him again then, but through sheer dumb luck he’d managed to hit at just the right height to send the excess water out while keeping the level up to their chests.

‘Bloody miracle you didn’t bring it down on top of us. Idiot.’ Said Eskel, peevishly.

‘Worked, didn’t it?’ said Lambert, smug grin firmly affixed to his face. 

‘We’re supposed to keep Kaer Morhen fit for habitation, not blow massive fucking holes anywhere we like.’ said Eskel, sitting primly at the top of the slide Geralt had cobbled together while Eskel was busy tanning Lambert's hide.

‘Downright luxurious now, I’d say.’ Lambert crowed, and Geralt had to agree with him.

When Vesemir arrived back from his hunt, he found a huge hole in the side of the castle with a waterfall’s worth of water streaming from it, a destroyed alchemy cellar, and a sheepish Lambert, being pointed at by his brothers. 

He sighed and went to fetch his towel.

**Author's Note:**

> *for the book club members who were so devastated that the hot springs weren't canon!*


End file.
